‘Don’t worry be happy’

Since 2009, health wise it’s been a huge roller coaster for me

2008
Constant pains in body, left hand side like a stitch

2009
Lost 2 stone in weight for no reason, legs shaking, difficulty in walking or doing anything that involved my legs
(eventually) diagnosed with hypo thyroid (after Doctor trying to diagnose me with depression or alcoholism)

2010
Diagnosed with vitamin D shortage (Doctor did not believe that there was a problem)
Diagnosed with glaucoma
Had cyst removed from back of head
Diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome

The symptoms that I am now left with are from the chronic fatigue, which still raises its head from time to time

  • Shortness of breath
  • Extreme tiredness
  • Emotional, like I want to cry
  • Being in a trance like state
  • Not being able to find the word or tripping over the word
  • Feeling bloated
  • Malaise
  • Feeling full of energy and fantastic – this one I have to reign on in as if I don’t I can feel awful for days as all my energy burns away

Of course, none of this is life threatening, for which I’m grateful, but it has left me kind of at odds with myself and how I fit back into the world which is no small task as I never really felt like I fit in anyway, not that I have ever yearned to fit in, perhaps being an only child potentially places you at odds with people, or maybe I’m just like everyone else

Things that I have found that help me through/ keep positive/ keep my pecker up

  • spirilina
  • vitamin D
  • vitamin C
  • chai
  • paracetamol (for pain)
  • herbal teas (green, chai, mint)
  • mindfulness
  • Zen thinking

One thing that was constant in the main health issues I had (thyroid, vitamin D and Chronic Fatigue) was the strong emotions that I felt, the thyroid made me extremely euphoric and positive and I was both surprised at how positive I was able to feel and also how difficult it was for some people to react to such hyper-positivity

Another positive state about being ill (particularly the hypo-thyroid) was that I could eat what ever I like as I just lost the weight, which felt great, but, as the nurse at the hospital told me one day, i was ‘full of toxins’ but why did I feel so great then?

It came as a surprise to me today during the period where I had chronic fatigue 24/7 I yearned for being ill with thyroid again, as that period felt great and so very positive but the fatigue made me feel like someone had unplugged me from an energy source

It is really is a wonder why I would yearn to be ill just so I would feel ‘good’

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