Snowballing to happiness: thrice

As I was attempting to meditate, my mind seemed like a sea of thought, not raging, but churning, wave after wave, thought after different thought, each one rising and falling

Recent circumstances mean that I feel angry with how some people have behaved, I am trying to make peace with this situation so that this situation does not own me or take charge of my day. I am finding this difficult. My mind wanders back to the situation, in an attempt, I feel, to make sense of the non-nonsensical.

Most of my adult life I spent attempting to make things good for people, whether be helping to improve services and procedures or in helping support people through a difficult time. I am surprised that some people that I thought I was close too have chosen to behave insensitively towards my life experience. I guess I didn’t really have any expectations from them until I realised that they were sending out negativity towards our household when I am grieving. I guess I have found some boundaries

I found myself in a situation where people were threatening to withdraw their relationships, at this point I realised that in a short space of time I was losing contact with lots of people, those that have died and those still alive.

Is the loss any greater?

How do you make peace within yourself when others around you behave hysterically? I usually am relatively calm but when the hysteria reaches you in your home through emails and texts and invades your privacy it feels that negativity can easily invade your own space and privacy and before you know it you are wound up and wounded.

I thought of a quote, ‘To err human, to forgive devine’.

I hope that I can forgive these people who trespass against us, but I not able to do this now. So how can I? How can I reach a place where insensitive comments and actions don’t affect me or impact on my life, is this actually possible? or do we try to shift and adjust ourselves to let the negativity wash over us? How do we know its washing over us like water off a ducks back, what are the signs apart from a damp back?

What one action can I take today that moves me closer to forgiveness and acceptance? without losing sense of self and boundaries?


Snowballing to happiness deux

Negativity is like letting an abandoned animal into your home, first it finds safety, then warmth, then nourishment. And before you know it it’s part of the family and difficult to let go of

Luckily where we are renting means that we can’t have animals. But I can hear them outside, snarling for attention, asking for food.

The modern world means that these animals of negativity can find a way in by tapping into our homes thru phones and electronic devices, these sneaky, cowardly and faceless beasts snap at you from a distance and feel they can act wild unleashed by humanity and humility and in doing so become a danger to themselves by their un-domesticated behaviour

So new ground rules need to be created

It’s important to cut off all the entrances to your sanctuary so that they know and learn they cannot find a home with you

Barking is barking even if its hidden in a text or email. Sometimes animals need reminding or indeed to be clearly shown what is acceptable/ unacceptable behaviour

Animals need boundaries too, otherwise they go ferrel

Good behaviour should be rewarded, although be sure any changes are sincere, as I say, these abandoned animals can be sneaky, do not be fooled by sad eyes or a wet nose

If all else fails, cut off the supply of food, which means your door is closed, no nourishment will be found here, no treats, no playtime

Remember, an abandoned animal may form a pack to try to get to you, remember this is an act of fear, a desperate attempt to encourage bad behaviour from those who are weak willed. Don’t be concerned, although quite frightening, the barking will end, it may require you to step back from the window and not give in the giving the pack the attention it feels it needs – just hope the pack doesn’t turn on itself, as who will clear up the mess?

Make time for your playmates and enjoy the fun times together, negativity hates nothing more than positivity as the attention goes away

One day, the animal may learn how to behave in your home and sanctuary, that will be a great day to celebrate

Snowballing to happiness

So I started, had a revelation/ stupid idea, to snowball, to start exercise at one minute on the first day, then each time I exercise add another minute, so after 20 days I’m doing 20 minutes! Genius, although this means that basically I will only be warming up for weeks, but I think basically its gonna work

So I did a minute, just stretching really, then did 5 minutes of mindfulness meditation, downloaded app for timer, with little bell, 5 minutes flew by, was quite shocked

what came to mind was as I closed my eyes I looked at the red bus in the picture and I thought that life is a journey, we are just passing through, all trying to be somewhere

Here’s a picture of me, January 2013. And of course the red bus



Happy and Healthy

Ok, have decided as people do at this time of year to have a plan of action to be happy and healthy, the longer term plan is that I have the milestone of being 50 in 2 years time in 2015, yikes!

So what’s the plan man?

I have two shirts that I’d like to fit into that I can’t at the moment, to be able to wear them again would be great

  • Need to lose about 4 inches off my waist
  • Maybe lose 4 stone
  • Will have to exercise
  • Watch what I eat
  • Drink less booze

Sounds fun so far…..

I guess I need to not think of how difficult this might be, but to visualize that this has happened and all the aims archived so that I see its possible.

Do I purchase the ‘Insanity’ fitness DVD, do I want to be insane? would fitting into these shirts make me both happy and healthy?