Snowballing to happiness: thrice

As I was attempting to meditate, my mind seemed like a sea of thought, not raging, but churning, wave after wave, thought after different thought, each one rising and falling

Recent circumstances mean that I feel angry with how some people have behaved, I am trying to make peace with this situation so that this situation does not own me or take charge of my day. I am finding this difficult. My mind wanders back to the situation, in an attempt, I feel, to make sense of the non-nonsensical.

Most of my adult life I spent attempting to make things good for people, whether be helping to improve services and procedures or in helping support people through a difficult time. I am surprised that some people that I thought I was close too have chosen to behave insensitively towards my life experience. I guess I didn’t really have any expectations from them until I realised that they were sending out negativity towards our household when I am grieving. I guess I have found some boundaries

I found myself in a situation where people were threatening to withdraw their relationships, at this point I realised that in a short space of time I was losing contact with lots of people, those that have died and those still alive.

Is the loss any greater?

How do you make peace within yourself when others around you behave hysterically? I usually am relatively calm but when the hysteria reaches you in your home through emails and texts and invades your privacy it feels that negativity can easily invade your own space and privacy and before you know it you are wound up and wounded.

I thought of a quote, ‘To err human, to forgive devine’.

I hope that I can forgive these people who trespass against us, but I not able to do this now. So how can I? How can I reach a place where insensitive comments and actions don’t affect me or impact on my life, is this actually possible? or do we try to shift and adjust ourselves to let the negativity wash over us? How do we know its washing over us like water off a ducks back, what are the signs apart from a damp back?

What one action can I take today that moves me closer to forgiveness and acceptance? without losing sense of self and boundaries?


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